Salt In The Water

You’d probably want to know how some relationships last a little bit longer than the other, or way shorter. What matters most is how much salt you put in the water.

Being in a relationship means that you are in a completely different zone than being alone. You have two bodies now. Fifty percent of the control is in your hand, the other fifty in your partner’s. Both hands should cooperate to stabilise whatever you both decided to have. One hand down, the balance is off.

It also means that you are facing a whole new adventure, a lot of different new obstacles and dramas. Doesn’t matter how mature you’ve gotten, merging two different heads into one might not be an easy task.

There are people who are patient, who always says it’s okay doesn’t matter what. There are people full of anger, who might explode as they are triggered by the littlest issue. There are people who observe, who collect informations and who are simply ignorant. But these people might work together. A duo out of angry and patient, or an observant and an ignorant, might just work, if the salt in the water is well put.

Now, what is the salt in the water?

It is effort.

An effort to make the relationship more steamy, more adventurous, more joyful, or even more comfortable. Very little effort might lead to nothing, but so does too much effort. How do we balance the effort? Why do we need to balance it?

We simply need to balance effort, because everything should be balanced. Too much salt, is bad, but so is too little salt. Too much effort might lead to boredom. If you give someone too much of something, they might be overwhelmed with it. They might be okay with it, but they might be not. Too little effort might cause questioning. “Am I asking too much? Am I not enough to be appreciated? Is my partner prioritising something else more important than me?” Both cases can be solved with communicating, but you don’t want this issue to be the cause of every fight and argument, right?

Here’s how to balance effort. Ask them what they like, ask them what they don’t, that’s point number one. Too much or too little effort might not matter if you’re doing something they dislike, or even worse, hate. Therefore, you need to see what they want, what they like and what they really expect from you. We all know that ‘expecting’ is never the answer, that’s why we all should ask.

Second, only give when they really need it. Reading your partner’s mind is not very easy. What’s easier is to read their change of behaviour. At some point, they might show anger or crank. At that point, you give effort. Hug them, embrace them tightly. Say things, give gifts. Take them to a place they’ve never been to before. These small but rare surprises might make their mood boost, and your relationship to grow happier.

Salt in the water might sound very simple, but it is crucial. Even the smallest gesture can mean the world if you really mean it when they really need it.

Never hesitate to give, never expect to receive. Just keep an eye on how much salt you put in the water.

Photography by Selma Alvinea.